


Time is your home

by grs2099



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Post s17 probably, Songfic, a songfic? in my 2019? it's more likely than you think!, added a Lina to the last chapter because she deserves to appear in it, appreciate my sogfic I almost cried on the bus for it, this fic is all about crying and hugging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2020-10-26 12:36:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20742305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grs2099/pseuds/grs2099
Summary: Caboose is still processing Church's real final death. Agent Washington is there to (try to) help.





	1. Beads of fresh memory

**Author's Note:**

> [Iiiiiiit's a hecking songfic!!](https://youtu.be/kp7Gr5uE800) Appreciate it, I put a lot of emotional tears in this.

Caboose woke up smelling something he hadn't smelled in ages: Church's cooking. He got up, and rushed to the kitchen still in his pajamas. Oh, Church hates when he does that, he's probably gonna get scolded before being allowed to taste the food. But as soon as he stepped into the kitchen… there was nothing, no one, there. He froze, and started crying.

Agent Washington was woken up by the noise of Caboose rushing to the kitchen, but took his time to get dressed, so when he finally arrived he just found a crying Caboose. All he could do was give him a gentle pat and offer himself as comfort.

It wasn't the first time this happened. Caboose was still adapting to _really_ not having his "best friend" anymore. He wasn't trapped inside an unstable storage unit. He wasn't out on a mission with agent Carolina. He was dead. As dead as a computer program that deleted most of its data and broke itself into pieces could be. And unlike all the times before, Caboose got to properly say goodbye for once. Church would probably not remember, or care, but Caboose did. He remembered the goodbye, and he remembered the taste of his cooking, and the feeling of holding him, and what he smelled like… And he remembered he would never get to feel any of that again.

But agent Washington was a really nice guy who was always there to comfort him. He wasn't Church, but he was warm and real, and hugging him helped Caboose feel better.

A while ago he was comforting because he _was_ Church. Dressing in Church's clothes, signing as Church whenever he did something official, being their leader… He was like a better Church. No wonder Church didn't seem to like him. No one likes a better doppelganger. Caboose didn't like having an imposter in Church's place, but he also craved the comfort of not having to think about Church's absence. He remembered Simmons once said he was using agent Washington as an "emotional crutch". Caboose felt bad about that, and tried calling the former freelancer by name for a week until the agent asked him to stop forcing himself.

But it was different now. Agent Washington was agent Washington. And Church was dead. And Caboose was still grieving. He didn't want to be, but he was.

"Hey…" Washington started, trying to be more useful than just hugging Caboose. "Do you... wanna talk?"

"No…" Caboose's voice was weak with tears, and with breathing difficulty. He _was_ crying, after all. "I think… I think if I think about it I'll only feel worse."

Washington just whispered a small "oh" and raised a hand to caress Caboose's hair, going back to the silent comfort of the hug.


	2. Black coffee and a cigarette

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picnic and tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yee I'm not making much sense today but a chapter's a chapter. Enjoye

Wash was used to Caboose having breakdowns by now. It wasn't a really nice thing to get used to, but Caboose was mourning, and he understood the feeling. He knew what it felt like to lose loved ones. All his freelancer friends were dead, except for Carolina. He made new friends who actually treat him better, sure, but he still missed his old friends sometimes. Wash had his own health to think about, but he was always looking out for Caboose.

And for a change, Caboose decided to be the one taking care of him today. He spent the whole morning telling Washington that they needed to have a talk over a meal, but refused to share any details. Wash suspected there might be something going on, but didn't ask anything, he didn't want to be rude or paranoid. So he just went along with it, and showed up to the kitchen when Caboose finally called him.

"Hello, agent Washington!" Caboose greeted him as he arrived in the kitchen.

"Hey there, Caboose. Is... is everything alright? Did I... do something weird?"

"Oh, no, this isn't about you! ... Can you help me take these to the cliff? I was thinking of having a picnic today." Caboose handed him a bottle of coffee and a basket with what he supposed was food. Speaking of which, the kitchen did smell like cooking. Did he cook this? Could be even cook??

"Uh, sure?"

Caboose picked up some stuff that looked a bit heavier than Wash's cargo, and led the way to where he wanted to eat. It was a nice part of the shore, with a good view of the sunset and plain enough to set a short table Caboose brought. Damn, did he plan all this by himself?

It was only after a moment of admiration for the choice of setting that he noticed Caboose had brought a third cup for their "date". Wait. Was this even a date?

"Um. This is... really nice. Is... is Carolina coming to join us?"

"What?" Caboose looked at him a bit confused, then noticed he was looking at the cups. "Oh. No, I don't even know where she is. Probably on the waterfall being lazy with Grif."

"Then… Whose cup is that?"

"That's... Church's." They stayed silent for a bit, Wash didn't know what to say and Caboose seemed to be waiting for a question. He seemed to notice the confusion in Wash's face though. "You see, if Church... if_ alpha _ Church... was still with us, today would be his birthday. And... I guess I kinda got used to him being a ghost, because when I'm inside I keep hearing his voice, scolding us for not wishing him a happy birthday, or laughing at our attempts to make him a birthday party... And it kinda hurts. So I decided to come outside, and... I don't know, wish him happy birthday where he can't haunt me?"

Wash smiled, poured some coffee on each cup, and sat down beside him.

"That's... actually a really good idea, you know. Trying to think of happy things to remember him instead of just letting sadness be all you feel when you think of him."

"Thanks." Caboose took the basket from the table, reached around for a bit, took out a cigarette and a lighter, and proceeded to light it up. Wash was too shocked to react to the scene immediately. When he finally unfroze, all he could do was ask

"You smoke??"

"Oh no, I'm just lighting it up for him." Caboose said, placing the cigarette on top of the third cup. "Church smoked a lot for a robot. I mean, any amount of smoking is a lot for a robot, but... It's one of the things I remember most clearly, just. Him, sitting on that cliff where I shot him, with a cup full of black coffee and smoking a cigarette, and threatening to shoot us if we tried to talk to him while he was there."

"Did you pick this place... for him?"

"Nah, I just think this place has a very neat view."

"Oh."

They stayed in silence for a moment, enjoying the view and the comfort of each other, before Caboose remembered to show what he had been up to in the kitchen all day. He opened the basket again, this time letting Wash look inside to see a pile of homemade cookies and very small breads.

"Woah. Did you make these all by yourself?"

"Yeah, I used to bake this kind of stuff all the time back at home, my sisters all loved it, but I haven't had much time or ingredients to do any baking since Blood Gulch."

"It's... really impressive."

"Thank you."

Wash took a bite from a cookie. It was fluffy, and not nearly as sweet as he'd expected. Was this how he liked them, or was this more to Church's taste? He looked to Caboose, wanting to ask, but noticed he was not eating. Instead, he was staring ahead into the ocean, with a small smile and tears rolling down his face.

"Caboose... do you need a hug?"

Caboose blinked and turned to him like he wasn't there a moment ago.

"Oh, a hug would be good, yes." He took a sip from his coffee and placed it on the table. "You know..." He started, after a moment of silent embrace. "I used to really love Church. He was a cool guy, and I know he wasn't very nice, but he was... I don't know, my type? And... I guess he did take care of me a lot."

"Kinda like a cat." Wash murmured.

"What?"

"Cats... They tend to be very moody and violent towards strangers, but when they get used to you they start being nicer. They don't always stop the violence, but... they get nicer."

"Yeah that's. That's very much like Church. Thank you."

"... For what?"

"The hug. And the cat thing. And... just the being here and being you."

Wash blushed. This was probably the sweetest thing Caboose had ever said to him.


	3. And the wound heals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new character appears! I didn't want to make this just a bunch of "Caboose crying on Wash's shoulder", so I put a Lina in here. This is also the end!

Carolina was surprised to find the door to the simulation room closed with an "occupied" sign on the door when she got there. She was the only one who ever used the place, and everyone knew that. She decided to knock on the door anyway, in case whoever was inside was not too... busy. The door opened for her, and she saw a projection of... the insides of a base?, and Caboose sitting on a corner with his helmet and a bunch of wires on his lap. She approached him quietly, and asked to sit beside him. When she got a positive, she accommodated herself beside him.

"So... What's this?" She started.

"I was... I was thinking of Church the other day. It was his birthday. And I had a picnic with Wash, and... I don't know, I just kept thinking of him." He looked up. Carolina expected him to look at, but instead he was... smiling? "Not in a bad, or sad, way, it was more of a... I want to remember the good times I had with him... way. So I got the projector thingy to project some memories. From my helmet. And... Yeah." He waved at the projection. It was a kitchen, with Tucker, Caboose(?) and... Lopez?? eating breakfast.

"Why do you bother making breakfast for yourself anyway? You're a ghost inside a robot, you don't even need food." Tucker said. Oh. That must be back when Church was a "ghost" possessing any robot he could find. She remembered the stories the Blues told.

"Shut up, Tucker. I might be a ghost, but I can still taste stuff. I like food!"

"Pff, clearly." He rolled his eyes at the robot.

"Besides, Lopez likes my food too." Church said, taking a bite of the pancake on his plate.

"I'm sorry, who the fuck is Lopez??"

"... The robot. That's what Caboose calls him-"

"That's what he calls himself!" Caboose interrupted. He looked much different, especially the short hair, but he sounded just the same, with the familiar aggressive-excited way of speaking. "It's in his code and everything. You know codes don't lie!"

Tucker glanced at Church with a much confused look, which was responded with a roll of robotic eyes.

"They were messing with the robot... With Lopez's code last night. Caboose said he could do something to make it easier to read, and... I have no idea what he did, but it definitely feels easier to control."

"Wait, wait, wait. You trusted Caboose. And an enemy robot. To mess with the controls. Of your body? The body you're using??" Tucker gestured dramatically. It made Carolina laugh quietly. 

"I don't know man, it's as Caboose says," he paused, and he and Caboose said in unison, "robot people always like me."

"... Wow."

The scene ended faded to laughter and then darkness as Caboose picked a new memory to project. While he was choosing, a song started playing quietly, almost impossible to hear. Or were her ears just that bad? He chose a new one, and the room was lit up again. A different robot, more alike the Church she knew, and Caboose, talking under the Blood Gulch sky. They talked, and laughed, and hugged, and Carolina felt like she understood his affection for Church a bit better now. He was much more annoyed and annoying, but he was also more human. He smiled much more sincerely than Epsilon. 

They stayed there for a while, Carolina even shared some of her memories of her time with Epsilon, and every time a memory ended the song started again. After the ninth or tenth time, she couldn't contain her curiosity anymore.

"What... is this music?" She asked. Caboose was talkative, but not about everything. Sometimes he needed a push. And this seemed like a "push" situation.

"What?" He looked at her with a bit more confusion than usual, and noticed the song playing. "Oh! That's... a song I found. It's kind of what made me think of Church recently. It's pretty neat, isn't it?" He turned up the sound, so she could finally hear the melody properly. It wasn't in English, but she could feel it wasn't a very happy one.

"What's it saying?"

"If you're gone with the wind, time is your home" He sang along translating for her, with a bittersweet smile on his face. "I won't forget... I won't forget you, I will celebrate you..."

"That's... interesting. Kinda sad, but very sweet. Where did you find it?"

"I used to listen to it all the time, way back in the Moon. I... Back then I didn't realize it was about death, and missing someone who you'll never have back, but now... I guess now I have some experience with that to go along with the song, right?" He had tears rolling down his cheeks, but he was still smiling. Carolina pulled him into a hug, like he usually did to her. "I... I miss him. I really want him back. But... I know he won't come back. So I... I feel like I gotta remember him. Even if it kinda hurts. It has to stop hurting one day, right?"

"I... I don't know if it'll ever stop hurting. But it's ok. We can remember him together. All of us." She patted his hair, and shifted the hug to a more comfortable position. They stayed there surrounded by darkness and the music until they fell asleep.

It was a good song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be just me attempt at translate the song. Maybe some commentary on how each part inspired me. Idk if I need to explain actually, I did a pretty literal job.


	4. Bonus: the lyrics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's really just the lyrics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Thiiiiis](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXaYDrJLPmo) is the song btw, in case you missed it!

Trago no peito costuradas

> _I bring sewn to my chest_

Contas de memória fresca

> _Beads of fresh memory_

Pão quentinho sobre a mesa

> _Fresh bread on the table_

O cheiro sobe a escada

> _The smell goes up the stairs_

Acordo e não vejo nada

> _I wake up and find nothing_

O tempo é sua morada

> _Time is your home_

Trago na aba da minha saia

> _I bring on the edge of my skirt_

Costurada em zigue-zague

> _Sewn in a zig-zag_

Café preto e um cigarro

> _Black coffee and a cigarette_

Seu canto e gargalhada

> _Your laughter and singing_

Ecoando pela casa

> _Echoing through the house_

O tempo é sua morada

> _Time is your home_

Se o vento te levou, o tempo é sua morada

> _If you're gone with the wind, time is your home_

Se o vento te levou, o tempo é sua morada

> _If you're gone with the wind, time is your home_

Não levo dor e nem tristeza

> _I carry neither pain nor sadness_

Ponho as cartas sobre a mesa

> _I lay my cards on the table_

E a ferida cicatriza

> _And the wound heals_

Toda pena um dia passa

> _All pity one day passes_

E o amor vira certeza

> _And love becomes certain_

O tempo é sua morada

> _Time is your home_

Se o vento te levou, o tempo é sua morada

> _If you're gone with the wind, time is your home_

Se o vento te levou, o tempo é sua morada

> _If you're gone with the wind, time is your home_

Não vou esquecer

> _I won't forget_

Não vou esquecer

> _I won't forget_

Vou te celebrar

> _I will celebrate you_

Não vou esquecer

> _I won't forget_

Vou te celebrar

> _I will celebrate you_

Não vou esquecer

> _I won't forget_

Vou te celebrar

> _I will celebrate you_

//The end! Oh shit can you feel the feels?? You should. Cry in your mind. Please.

But for real. Thank you for getting this far, you have completed your journey through this long sad songfic (plus lyrics) and I love you. Please love my fic. My creation. My child.

This idea was originally a really really cool super heartbreaking animation if I could do that. But I can't (yet). So I wrote a fic instead. The dream of making this an animation will remain in my heart forever though. Maybe one day.

The lyrics just felt super right?? It just screamed "Caboose having 'hallucinations' of Church because he's still not fully over his death" to me. Ghost smell of stuff that remind him of Church. Ghost laughter echoing in this new home that doesn't stop him from thinking of the old ones. Trying to find a way to stay positive because that's more like him. I just. Oh god oh fuck I love this song so much. It is a perfect song for this kind of stuff. I feel like it could be a really good prompt. 

Anyways, thanks for reading everything! Feel free to tell me what you think, and uhh idk. This is done, time to move back into my trash pit. Thanks for checking in.


End file.
